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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26721520">Love Me Goodbye</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vesperione/pseuds/Vesperione'>Vesperione</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>PEIPHQ Shenanigans [33]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Black Friday - Team StarKid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A Final Goodbye, Angst, F/F, Family, Fluff, Found Family, I cried several times while writing this, M/M, Soulmates, death from bullet wound, death of old age, fluffy angst?, the final instalment for PEIP HQ, xander has powers au, xander is a part of the black and white au</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:20:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,692</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26721520</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vesperione/pseuds/Vesperione</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Life doesn't discriminate, for it takes and it takes, and time didn't wait for them. At the end of the day, they were still human. This is their goodbye to Earth. This is their finale.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Background relationships - Relationship, John McNamara/Xander Lee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>PEIPHQ Shenanigans [33]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1764349</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Love Me Goodbye</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>well fuck, this is it lads, ladies and geese. as a summary:</p><p>very little dialogue. it's a goodbye, it's memory, it's thought, there isn't supposed to be a lot of speech</p><p>uh,,, and yeah. this isn't gonna be the final work I write for HQ, but it's the end. it's been good</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>PEIP never became an established military base, meaning they had had the ability to bend the rules significantly. Kids who’d suffered the same consequence as John had, being found homeless on the street due to their gender or sexual identity, or those with a rough home life  where bought into the precinct where they were finally able to be themselves. Up until he died, Henry Hidgens used to tutor the kids of all ages with sciences, and, when he wasn’t busy in the lab, Xander would assist with physics. A new building was built on the grounds of PEIP that were the homes and rooms where schoolings would be held, and where these kids could go to be themselves, and there would always be the option for them to become a recruit at PEIP if that was what they wanted. Some moved away, some stayed, and some worked but moved when they became better, and John and Xander watched as they flourished into amazing young people.</p><p>When their own kids, Phoenix and Jasper, had wanted to move out, they each took a room in that building, and stayed until they found a house. Phoenix had been reluctant to leave their family, for they’d become all they’d ever known for long, but they had a wife, and they also adopted a kid of their own, and it was unfair to keep their family around something so dangerous, so they moved nearby instead. Jasper opted to stay, and spent a lot of time with his own boyfriend, who helped him when his parents couldn’t, and everything worked out.</p><p>With this in mind, it also meant, that at the age of 47, General John McNamara-Lee promoted his husband, Xander Lee-McNamara to become his co-general, and the precinct had never thrived more. The PEIPs hadn’t expected the precinct to work so well under the two men, for they were two opposite faces of one coin. Aside from the obvious reasons, being appearance, it was their personalities that often lead to heated fights that spread within the precinct before anyone could stop it. John was more sophisticated in his thinking, yet he remained that same, childish man he’d always been at heart. He thought of the logics and the consequences before they happened until it came to himself, then it was spontaneous, and he ignored his rules and regulations and dived in head first with no regard to his own safety, much to the displeasure of the ex-Lieutenant.</p><p>Xander was <em>very </em>different. He was bubbly, and always wore a smile on his face. He found pleasure in creativity, managing to publish a book about himself and his life story as he gained popularity based on his successes by the time he was 40, yet he never ignored his family because of it. Work wise, he always wrote down the logical reasons for John and guided him through every possible outcome, trying to find the best one for the two of them <em>and </em>for the world, though chose to ignore his own research most times when he was on the field and always did what was the worst things, constantly doing things on a wing. Xander would only be reasonable if it ever came down to his consequences on a mission.</p><p>Despite the agents worries about the new promotion, with John having to share his power with his beloved, they were able to work. Somehow, the fact that they shouldn’t have been compatible didn’t apply to the situation they got themselves tangled in, and they were quick to become <em>the </em>strongest members on the task force. But with strength came opposing points, which lead to the worst fights the precinct had ever seen. Sometimes, they’d end up fighting like there would be no tomorrow. To end these fights, it was very rare when their clothes <em>wouldn’t </em>end up on the floor, but there’d always be the particularly bad fights where the two generals wouldn’t be seen with each other for days, and once, it stretched to a week, and they always had the same expression of a dirty mix of guilt and exhaustion painted on their faces in some sick kind of painting. What they knew was that they were bound to each other. They were two strings in a web that founded the universe, and theirs so happened to intertwine with each other. They considered themselves soulmates even if they <em>were </em>two same sides of a magnet, two charges that should repel, but they didn’t. Whatever happened, by the end of the day, they’d end up in each other’s arms, and mumble tearful apologies to each other, reassurance being spilled in concrete, firm that they’d make it out alive, that they’d be okay, and they’d always been okay.</p><p>It was a bittersweet scene, but time didn’t wait for them, and they grew older far too quickly, but it meant it gave them peace, which was an extremely unfamiliar feeling to them. The fighting between them stopped, and whatever would spark the flame became banter. They’d smile and tease, but it never pushed further than that. That was at home, but the fights never stopped at work.</p><p>PEIP had been fighting an infinite and endless war against the alien race since 1979 under General Gareth Icacks’ word, they lived under one rule and one rule only. <em>Protect, ignore, repeat. </em>Though it was confusing, and the newer recruits never really got it, it soon clicked in when they stepped out on the field when they gave the public a favour and ignored anything that could put the agency in danger. Icacks trained Wilbur Cross, and when Icacks died, the precinct was handed into the hands of the Colonel. Cross trained John, and it was rightful the position was placed into John’s open palms, which he took hesitantly, but turned it into something beautiful. He fought the war Icacks started, while his amazing crew back at base worked on technology so advanced they’d managed to get pictures of The Black and White, which shouldn’t have been possible, and that was by the time he was 55. It was Xander’s fault, seeing as he trained the kids who’d wanted to invest in a scientific job there, and John remembered the brightest smile he’d given the recruit he’d been extremely nervous to mention the breakthrough, but had become more confident with Xander’s support.</p><p>Time continued to speed up quicker than what they wanted, and by the time they were 60, Xander was being recognised in the media worldwide for his scientific breakthroughs he made. He was interviewed constantly about them, and he didn’t break the rule of mentioning PEIP to non-PEIPs once. John watched with pride every single time as Xander explained who he was, what he did and what the breakthrough was. He sat in the chair on the other side of the glass, listening in intently as Xander rambled about the things he discovered. Though Xander made his best attempt to explain what he’d found out, John could never understand, so they often ended up curled in on each other in bed that evening, foreheads pressed against the other’s, as they laughed about it.</p><p>It was inevitable their bodies would age, for they were both human, excluding the part of Xander that remained a piece of The Black and White, but it didn’t stop them from being the careless people they’d been, especially on missions. They joked, and they laughed, and they drank, but they couldn’t do stupid things out on the field anymore, but John’s apprentices could. They both knew that, being the two leading agents, aside from Colonel Schaffer, that it would be more than likely either the field would take them, or time would, so, at the age of 65, they approached Major Lou Hartford with the offer that she could take up the position of leading lady once history claimed them. She accepted the offer, with the want for Benjamin Slate to be her second in command. They bought a chaos to the field John and Xander had been unable to present, and missions remained as straight forward as they could, with the two younger recruits adding John’s old methods of teaching to their own technique, creating fire in the field that lit the world up with pride.  </p><p>They should have retired when they hit 70, when they became slower little by little, and became unmotivated to work, wanting to spend however long left they had in the arms of the other, yet they always managed to throw on a smile as they greeted their friends, family and colleagues with hugs, handshakes and advice. They should have retired, but they were both stubborn, and they both didn’t want to leave the precinct they’d found home in. As they got older, little by little, they realised they didn’t need the home that they lived in, so, they offered it to Phoenix and to Jasper, giving them half of the house each, so that they could live with each other and remain with their separate families while continuing the tradition. It had been Wilbur’s house, originally, and Will had gifted it to John when he’d died. It was only right John and Xander passed it to their own kids.</p><p>The time came when they packed up their things and moved in to PEIP, permanently. They knew, at a push, they had about 25 years left, and they knew that every day in there would be precious. They found it right and reasonable to die in the place that they found themselves in, the place that meant the most of them. PEIP crafted them from something so arrogant, people so naïve and unwilling of the world’s truths, to knowing the universe’s eternal secrets, as well as each other inside out. They watched as their hair greyed, and their eyes became duller, yet they fought, and they fought to live.</p><p>So, at the age of 84, just after Xander’s birthday, they figured they’d give it one last shot on the field, just the two of them to commemorate their achievements. They saddled up, and Lou took a final picture of them both, and they set off. It was a simple clean up mission that turned horrible far too quickly for John to process what happened, if he was being honest. He had his silver hair tied into a ponytail, for he refused to cut it, and Xander had stayed with a smile. Their instincts ran through their blood, and when they figured intruders were on sight, they split up to take them down. Bullets fired left right and centre until they were gone. John had laughed, and dusted himself off, as he picked himself up off the ground, not being as agile as he used to be. He sighed as he slid his gun back into his military vest, taking his hair down. “That was a close one, right Zee?” He asked, but a deafening silence came in return. Concern filled his veins as he turned on his heel, and he saw Xander standing straight up, his eyes wider than usual, a hand on his side. He watched as Xander pulled his hand away, and there was a dark patch on their already dark uniform.</p><p>He’d been hit.</p><p>Somehow, somewhere in his body, he found a burst of energy in him and ran forward to Xander’s side, managing to catch him as Xander’s legs collapsed from underneath him. He lowered him to the floor, contacting HQ to get a medic and quick. He placed Xander’s head in his lap, not daring to let him go. Xander was shaking, probably from the lack of adrenaline, as he placed his hand back on the bullet wound. “This makes sense,” he whispered eventually, as he looked into John’s eyes. “It’s a full circle…”</p><p>“Don’t talk like that, you’re gonna be okay. I’ll be here,” John promised, holding Xander’s other hand, running his hand over Xander’s short hair, and Xander shook his head, almost immune to the pain.</p><p>“This is what we’ve been waiting for, John. We’ve been waiting for that moment life claims us.” He managed to weakly squeeze John’s hand back as a tear fell down his face. “84 years I lived on this earth, 62 of those I served for the military. We can’t focus on the bad right now.”</p><p>“You can talk,” John said as tears swarmed to his own eyes, smiling gently, knowing Xander would hate to see him frown. Xander, instead, laughed, more tears falling down his face before he winced and adjusted in John’s grasp, John moving him so he was more comfortable.</p><p>“We’re not immortal, we know that. We have a plan set in place for the both of us. I’ll be waiting for you on the other side,” he said as John pressed a kiss on Xander’s forehead.</p><p>“And I’ll be ready for when you’ve had enough of being alone and want me with you…” it made the two of them laugh before they fell into a tearful silence. Even wounded, Xander fought harder than he’d ever fought before, and it was for John. It was always for John, and it’d always be for John.</p><p>When the medics came, and bought them back to PEIP, Xander was stitched up, but they knew they had to let him go. Phoenix and Jasper were called in to say their goodbyes, as were the agents closest to him. He became frailer, and his hand never left John’s. John couldn’t sit there any longer and watch him scared, so he’d ended up under the covers with him at some point, holding him close to his chest. John let Xander get one last grasp of him, running his hand over his face, running his hand through his hair, getting one last feel of his husband. He looked up at him, his eyes exhausted, and John knew he was struggling to cling on. His final wish was for him to kiss him, one last time, and John couldn’t say no. He held Xander close to his chest, kissing him gently, and when he pulled away, he whispered a final “I love you” before his eyes fluttered close, never to open again.</p><p>John held his body for hours, scared to let him go. He’d expected it, and he’d died a hero and an icon, changing the scientific world as humanity knew it, but they never saw the family side of him. The man who John had known as Xander Lee, who wore full black and wore leather in high school who rode a motorbike, and managed to be an effortless flirt no matter what, who had the warmest smile and the kindest heart. When he fought, he fought with fire and nothing else, but he had the softest touch and the truest apologies. He was the best dad, and the best husband John could have ever asked for, and it broke him when he couldn’t feel the warmth of his Xander anymore. He was cold, and there was almost a final calling from The Black and White, for when John wiped his tears, still cradling Xander close, he saw the same blue crystals dancing around them both as a final goodbye and John knew, from that gesture, Xander was still watching over him.</p><p>The funeral hadn’t been anything large. It had been quiet, but it had been loud at the same time. Nobody wore black, for it wasn’t what Xander wanted. He wanted his pride represented even when he wasn’t there. Phoenix and Jasper had stood close to John, as they all mourned the loss of someone so close to them, but they had each other. From the corner of his eye, he could see the blue crystals, and he could feel a chilling breeze through his bones. He knew that was Xander and his spirit, protecting him the best he could. He knew he wasn’t alone.</p><p>John struggled to adapt to life without his musical theatre loving scientist, and retired from the force a little earlier than he hoped. It wasn’t right without Xander by his side. He’d personally handed over the beret and the forms to Lou, and she’d hugged him tightly, telling him she’d take care of his and Xander’s force. He didn’t cry until he got back in the room, holding Xander’s pillow tightly. He missed him badly, but Xander wanted him to carry out his legacy for him, so that’s what he was doing.</p><p>When the interviewers came to discuss Xander’s life, it was John who answered the question. Up until that one moment, he’d never spoken publicly about his life, or who he was. The media knew Xander had a husband, but he remained anonymous…until that day. He filled in the gaps, explaining what happened, from Vegas, to Black Friday, to the day he died. He said it all with a smile, and he wore Xander’s warmth around him as he did. He noticed the blue crystals behind the reporter that time. Xander was closer, and John felt safe.</p><p>There wasn’t much to say, if he was being honest, and it wasn’t like he was lonely, because he wasn’t. Jasper and Phoenix and their families came around <em>all </em>of the time. He got to watch as their babies grew up, and for his own kids to become the people they’d wanted to become. Jasper remained his silent self, taking up a small office job, while Phoenix became a blogger, and they were pretty damn good at their job. Jasper learned how to speak when he was 18. He always knew how to, but struggled. He said Xander’s name once and took them both by surprise. Though he remained mute most of the time, there’d be that time where he’d say a word and they’d treasure it. He didn’t speak in sentences often either, so when Jasper sat by his dad’s bed, in one of Xander’s hoodies, and he turned to John, asking if he was okay, John looked up at him with teary eyes again.</p><p>“It’s lonely,” he’d told him, and Jasper had nodded, playing with the drawstrings that kept him satisfied. “And I know you miss him too.”</p><p>“He watches, he waits. He’s here,” Jasper told him, and at the same time, John felt a cold chill wrap around his body and pressure on his chest, like someone wrapping his arms around his body, and John nodded, a tear falling.</p><p>“I can tell he is, son.”</p><p>“He says…he’s proud. Of us. He says…soon,” Jasper told him, and John nodded, thanking him. He shut his eyes and fell asleep, and he swore he heard Xander’s voice as he dreamed, but he didn’t. Xander was dead, and Xander was gone, but his soul continued to live on.</p><p>Miraculously, John McNamara lived another 20 years after Xander did. He grew peaceful as he approached his time, as his clock ran out. He was 104. His kids, as well as Benny and Lou, had been there around him, and they’d ensured he was comfortable. They accepted he’d die any day now, and he smiled at them, tired. “I’ll be with Xander,” he told them, holding both of his kids’ hands. “And I’ll be watching over you, the two of you. Take time to mourn, take time to be yourselves, and continue being the gracious kids we took care of. I love you; I love you both, but my time is up.”</p><p>“Then you go, dad. We love you too,” Phoenix said as they wiped their eyes, just as Lou placed John’s military beret on his head.</p><p>“You deserve it back, sir. Thank you for your service,” she said and saluted.</p><p>With a nod, he closed his eyes and drifted away. He found himself in only darkness to begin with, and he swore he heard the dark laugh of his old mentor, and he feared he hadn’t done enough on Earth to make himself worthy of being reunited with Xander…and then the black faded to grey, and then to a bright white. As the light died down, he looked down on the floor into the reflection, which was now a mirror, and he saw himself. Young, around 22 years old, with thick golden hair, in his military uniform. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and there was a ripple as another reflection appeared beside him.</p><p>Tall, with dark skin and short black hair, in a black waistcoat, a leather jacket and shades, a chain dangling from his neck. John gasped as he turned and saw Xander, 22 years old as well, before him. “You’re here,” Xander said, and John nodded. “I was gonna guide you myself but-.” He was unable to get another hug in as John tackled him to the ground, and Xander laughed. It was him, and Xander could be held again, and John could hear his voice…he was there. “This is The Black and White, John. It’s what protected me, what protected <em>us. </em>And now we can protect them,” he said as he sat up, holding John close to him, as he looked into the glass below him. An image of their family appeared, and down below, there were blue crystals, and beside them, were red ones. John looked at it, mesmerised, as he cuddled into Xander. “It’s how they know they’re with them. I’m the blue, you’re the red.” He removed the beret from John’s head and kissed the soft hair that lay on top of it. “We keep them safe.”</p><p>“You kept me safe…”</p><p>“For 20 years,” Xander told him and looked at him, gripping his hand tightly. “But I have one request now you’re here?”</p><p>“I’ll do anything,” John admitted and looked up at him.</p><p>“Kiss me.” Xander said. With no form of hesitation, John cupped his face and kissed him gently, as Xander held him tight.</p><p>They’d lived a good life, and they’d continue from where they lay. It was a full cycle, but as was the world. So, although John McNamara and Xander Lee were dead, it didn’t mean they were forgotten.</p><p>They wouldn’t be forgotten.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>aa aa a a  a a a a a a a a a aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa a a a a a a </p><p>if u want to leave a comment or kudos, plz do. i can't say i enjoyed writing this, but the end had to come eventually. after all...</p><p>it was always inevitable</p><p>also i finished writing this to Married In Vegas, which is when John and Xander got together-</p></blockquote></div></div>
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